Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
