god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize