I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
