I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
