the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
