Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
