she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
