Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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