i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
