Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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