In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
