i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
