It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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