Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
