I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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