I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
