i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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