Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
