how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
