Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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