I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
