my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
