I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize