I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
