it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
