he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
