Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
