I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
