O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
