JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize