You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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