Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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