And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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