Non-Jews are for practice
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
