if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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