Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize