I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
