Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
