it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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