Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
even my farts smell like vagina
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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