Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
