I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize