she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize