it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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