i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
