I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
