I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
