I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
