youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize