I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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