So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
