3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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