imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you had me at cake vodka
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
