i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
