I will die if light touches me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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