Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize