Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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