I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
