If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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