This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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