I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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