the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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