i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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