There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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