Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
