I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
