my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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