Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm at about main and main street
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
pray to the hookup gods
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
