you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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