There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
