She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
