there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize