obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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