i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
