I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
